[Job] Falconer at Free Lives


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edited in Jobs
Our company is growing, and we are looking to take on some new talent.

We are looking for someone with eagle handling experience.
We currently don't have the infrastructure to house bald eagles. We are looking for someone who would be able to set this up and manage it.
We need someone with a good sense of humour, as the eagles will be appearing in many of our interviews.
This person needs to be able to procure the bald eagles themselves, though obviously we would provide the funds.

Salary negotiable, depending on experience and mustache. Lunch is provided.

Comments


  • Notice: Undefined variable: GuestHourOffset in /home/nitrogen/public_html_mgsatest/forums/themes/mgsa/class.mgsathemehooks.php on line 281
    I used to do falconry. You're going to have problems getting bald eagles in this country, but may I recommend the African Fish Eagle? Very Majectic, Beautiful plumage!

  • Notice: Undefined variable: GuestHourOffset in /home/nitrogen/public_html_mgsatest/forums/themes/mgsa/class.mgsathemehooks.php on line 281
    Wait what? Is this serious? I'm not sure where to draw the line between the joke and the actual job. Is this a programming job in disguise? If not, why eagles? :D


  • Notice: Undefined variable: GuestHourOffset in /home/nitrogen/public_html_mgsatest/forums/themes/mgsa/class.mgsathemehooks.php on line 281
    You're going to have problems getting bald eagles in this country, but may I recommend the African Fish Eagle? Very Majectic, Beautiful plumage!
    We're confident that the right candidate will be able to handle the arbitration of securing a bald eagle for our company. I personally love fish eagles, but unfortunately they aren't quite right for our needs.


  • Notice: Undefined variable: GuestHourOffset in /home/nitrogen/public_html_mgsatest/forums/themes/mgsa/class.mgsathemehooks.php on line 281
    Oh, you guys are looking for a Broforce eagle.

  • Notice: Undefined variable: GuestHourOffset in /home/nitrogen/public_html_mgsatest/forums/themes/mgsa/class.mgsathemehooks.php on line 281
    Could I interest you in a Bearded Vulture?

    image

    1) It has a beard, so it fits with the Free Lives culture and look
    2) It's very majestic, beautiful plumage

  • Notice: Undefined variable: GuestHourOffset in /home/nitrogen/public_html_mgsatest/forums/themes/mgsa/class.mgsathemehooks.php on line 281
    In all seriousness, you should be speaking to these guys: http://www.spier.co.za/visit/eagle-encounters/

    They have a Fish Eagle, that is so bad-ass, it survived being shot and as one eye and one wing. His name is Nelson. He is a bad ass.

  • Notice: Undefined variable: GuestHourOffset in /home/nitrogen/public_html_mgsatest/forums/themes/mgsa/class.mgsathemehooks.php on line 281
    I prefer owls to eagles and I've done some handling with them at a rescue centre. I supposed if I applied I would have to work days instead of night?

    @LewAquillia, plumage doesn't enter into it!

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    edited
    @LexAquillia There's two white backed vultures at Spier, which are huge!

    But yeah, Nelson sounds more like a Broforce eagle.

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    edited
    I would be more than happy to throw my hat into the ring for this position. I have been a falcon and eagle handler since as long as I can remember. I obtained my Bachelor's in Birdery in the early '00s, followed by a Honours in Hawk Stuff in '04. When I'm not posting pictures of birds of prey on websites such as Facebook, Twitter, and LOLcats, I spend my time practising new routines with my birds every other day so as to stay up-to-date with both current market trend indicators as well as my client base needs.

    In terms of experience beyond this, I hold the title for most birds of prey and/or ocelots trained for use in a film/documentary/music video/Spanish soap opera to date. If you've ever seen in bird of prey in any form of entertainment, well chances are that's my handiwork. I'm even credited with doing all bird training before my actual date of birth as the directors felt like their films needed touching up in that respect. I was brought in (via helicopter) and performed Eagle Stuff in front a green screen so that the footage could be used to digitally replace the archaic (and let's be honest here: unabashedly shoddy work) that some other chap had done. Should you have any doubts about my abilities I'll have you know that I'm capable of wrangling most birds of prey via Skype if the line speed is agreeable and I can reach the right frequency.

    We shouldn't need to worry about any sort of housing for the birds as I have recently started looking into gene-splicing in the hopes that one day I might create pocket-sized birds of prey or "Pocket Prey(tm)" as I have it tentatively billed. I believe this is a wonderful idea as then you would be able to have your bird of prey of choice with you at any moment in time. An obvious downside to this is the fact that if you forget about them, they don't do washing machines very well.

    I have a fairly good sense of humour. I'd give it about a 7/10. My eagles and various other birds, less so. They are very solemn and stern creatures for the large part. Because of the way their beaks are structured you'll be well aware that birds of prey are unable to smile, tragically. If this was not bad enough, they also do not respond well to tickling. At all.

    I myself am incredibly bald. Very bald. If you were to look in the dictionary for the definition of the word 'bald', you would find a picture of me. If funds are no issue then I would be able to procure any kind of bird of prey you're after. Being near extinction means that the Bald Eagle will be a challenge to acquire, but I feel as if we're rather wasting our time. You're thinking too small. We can back and forth on the numbers sometime but I'd be more than happy to use my seedy, underworld contacts to get hold of the lesser known birds of prey. These are the best of the best, I tell you. These are the birds of prey you don't get to see on National Geographic.

    The birds will be able to sit through interviews with ease provided they are plied with the meat of smaller mammals periodically. I'm afraid, however, that they will flat-out refuse to talk about any 'hot button' issues currently in the news: ISIS, celebrity nip slips, or Ebola outbreaks, unless you have a member of staff willing to prepare something PR-wise for them to read.

    At this point in time, I do not have a moustache but I would only require about five minutes to knock one out, so a decent heads-up would be all I need in this department. If I bring my eagle with to the interview would it need any form of moustache and/or facial hair? I'm in no way insinuating this will be any kind of challenge at all. I will do it. I'm prepared to go the distance because I am a 'go-getter'. Hell, I'll grow moustaches for the entire team (female members included) providing I am afforded at least five minutes per moustache.

    If lunch is provided, I will have mine with salt.

  • Notice: Undefined variable: GuestHourOffset in /home/nitrogen/public_html_mgsatest/forums/themes/mgsa/class.mgsathemehooks.php on line 281
    #postindielife

    Seriously though as mentioned on twottor, I think you'll have trouble importing/acquiring a bald eagle as they are a protected species.

    Alternative options:
    -Use a different type of eagle, as suggested.
    -Hire someone to build a highly realistic animatronic bald eagle.
    -Hire someone to animate one and add it in using a green screen.
    -Use a turkey. (You can eat the turkey when it gets too old.)
    -Move to America and shoot eagle footage there.
    -If you happen to find one on Gumtree please do not buy it because most likely it comes from an eagle mill. Rather report the seller to the SPCA.


  • Notice: Undefined variable: GuestHourOffset in /home/nitrogen/public_html_mgsatest/forums/themes/mgsa/class.mgsathemehooks.php on line 281
    Hire me! I don't know shit about eagles n' falcons, thou' i love Broforce (And pixelart)!

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    edited
    Alternatively you can hire someone to dress up as a bald eagle...

    image
    Very majestic, beautiful plumage!

  • Notice: Undefined variable: GuestHourOffset in /home/nitrogen/public_html_mgsatest/forums/themes/mgsa/class.mgsathemehooks.php on line 281
    I don't think they would need to hire someone in that case: I think @raithza would fill the role perfectly ;)

  • Notice: Undefined variable: GuestHourOffset in /home/nitrogen/public_html_mgsatest/forums/themes/mgsa/class.mgsathemehooks.php on line 281
    I can Falcon Punch. Can I apply?

  • Notice: Undefined variable: GuestHourOffset in /home/nitrogen/public_html_mgsatest/forums/themes/mgsa/class.mgsathemehooks.php on line 281

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    edited
    [Edit] Most weird double post ever o_O

  • Notice: Undefined variable: GuestHourOffset in /home/nitrogen/public_html_mgsatest/forums/themes/mgsa/class.mgsathemehooks.php on line 281
    C-C-C-COMBO BREAKER!!? :)
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